I recently was contacted by Derrick via the Ask the Expert link on this website. He is looking for restaurants in our area that offer Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu. For the uninitiated, RMO's  are not oysters. There are no oceans or seas bordering Colorado at this point. Although a few years ago, I did hear of an intrepid soul attempting to farm raise oysters in Colorado. Alas, the story went, he was forced to cease operations because of continuing problems with oyster bed water purity. I always wondered if he was confused.

Confused because RMO's are not oysters, they are, in fact, bull or bison testicles. Most commonly they are a by-product of castrations performed to enhance production of well-marbled muscle on beef steers. As such, they are not widely available on the market.

I do recall a group of RMO aficionados gathering at Canyon Wind Cellars at the close of a wine tasting event a year or two back. They brought their own deep-fryers and frozen, breaded RMO's, the most common form they are available in. We ate vast quantities, sans half-shell, and washed them down with wine.

To prepare Rocky Mountain Oysters (from the raw state) they must first be peeled of a membrane, thinly sliced, perhaps pounded if not yet thin enough, breaded or battered, and deep-fried then served with a sort of cocktail sauce*. I had the great joy of such preparation on one occasion many years ago, and I can certainly sympathize with those that choose to bring them in breaded and frozen. Alas, they lack much character beyond the breading in that form.

Derrick, my friend, I regret that I must tell you I have not been offered Rocky Mountain Oysters since that memorable evening in the cool of the tank room. If any readers of my post know of or have spotted RMO's on menus in the Grand Valley area, please let me know and I will pass that information along to Derrick and everyone.

*As like so many other endangered sauces of unique character, this one has been almost-completely, sadly, inadequately replaced by ranch dressing, the elevator music of the condiment universe.